winning

I’ve been needing a spiritual chiropractic adjustment these days. I used to go to a chiropractor friend who would give me weekly adjustments. Basically popping the “knuckle” of my spine and setting it more into place. I’m not sure if that’s the right scientific explanation - it just feels like he’s realigning it back to what it’s supposed to be.

As a chiropractic patient you assume that once you realign it you’re done. But the reality is that it needs constant realignment. And I’m finding that I need constant realignment. I’m reading through Leviticus - and you’d think it’d be boring. But it’s not - not at all.

There’s this heavy, sit-down-the-kids talk at the end about being obedient. Obedient to God’s commands. Trusting in what he says he will provide. And the gist is this - obey and live safely and abundantly. Disobey and live a life of torment.

When things are not going my way - I think I’m living a life of torment. When people don’t get it - meaning, they don’t understand what we’re doing, they are not embracing the simple things of Jesus and instead choose the complicated bondage of the world… I get frustrated. I get sad about it - but I also have to confess that I think it’s a reflection on me, my leadership, my capabilities. It’s then way more about me and less about people. And that’s crippling.

So God’s question for me this morning. Am I more about obeying or am I more about winning? Winning in the sense where I’m wanting to measure up to others and prove myself to the world… prove to all that I can do this. To give myself some credit… I wouldn’t say that that’s what I’m all about. But if I’m sober with myself too, it’s in me. And it adds undue stress, anxiety and worry to me.

God’s word for me this morning - keep it on… keep on doing what I called you to do - let me take care of the results, the winning, the outcome…

OK.

I was also encouraged by Hugh Halter’s blog… it’s just reassuring that someone else feels the same.

no movement in north america

I’ve been reading a few blogs that are thoroughly convicting. There are common themes among the radical apostolic types. It’s this radical recommitment to the simple ways of Jesus. We talk, but we don’t do. And the world knows it. And I’m finding more and more that the linchpin in all this should be discipleship. Following Jesus with reckless abandon. It’s not church methodology… finding a model that you just reproduce… but a simple heart to do what Jesus wants no matter the cost.

David Watson who has been a part of a mind-blowing church planting movement in India says this… wrote  this about why there are no real church planting movements in North America:

In the last 15 years, over 40,000 churches sprang up in an area in North India known as the ‘graveyard of missions and missionaries.’  Some of these churches are tenth generation church plants and studies show that the tenth generation is as mature and Biblically sound as the first. While persecution in this area is high, so is the faith of the church.  They walk and talk with God.  They see miracles everyday.  They share their faith.  They plant more churches.  They pray for the sick.  They take care of the widows and orphans.  Although many are illiterate, they study the Bible inductively.  They believe we have a choice – we read or listen to God’s Word, believe, and obey Him or we don’t.  There is no middle ground.

People ask, “Why don’t we see church planting movements in the United States?”  It is because we read God’s Word, but are not obedient. We amass knowledge about God, but we don’t do anything with our knowledge.  We say we read God’s Word inductively but we usually stop before we get to the hard part: obedience.  Until we read God’s Word and obey it, we will not see church planting movements in the United States.

rise up and come away

As I’m reluctantly doing my ordination work, I’m reading through a book that I read a while back… a book that I found really hard to read and not terribly original. But reading it again this time around, I’m finding it to be pretty invigorating. It’s “The Pursuit of God” by AW Tozer. One of the prophetic pillars of the CMA.

One of the endorsements on the back from the Steve Green:

“The writings of Tozer shake me from slumber, inspire grand thoughts of God and expose the compromise in my heart.”

Yikes, who wants that.

A prayer that I’ve been praying these days from chapter 1 of the book is:

O God, I have tasted Thy goodness, and it has both satisfied me and made me thirsty for more. I am painfully conscious of my need of further grace. I am ashamed of my lack of desire. O God, the Triune God. I want to want Thee; I long to be filled with longing; I thirst to be made more thirsty still. Show me Thy glory, I pray Thee, that so I may know Thee indeed. Begin in mercy a new work of love within me. Say to my soul, “Rise up, my love, my fair one, and come away.” Then give me grace to rise and follow Thee up from this misty lowland where I have wandered so long. In Jesus’ name. Amen.

Two things sort of jarring me this past month:

personal revival - honest questions - lakeland revival

I’ve recently had someone in our group ask about the Lakeland Revivals. Apparently they know friends who are traveling out to Florida in hopes of receiving an experience of the Holy Spirit. It was a good question at the right time for me. I’ve been praying for revival in San Jose since we’ve started and have recently met a guy who is leading the House of Prayer in SJ. And though God has moved in great ways, we have yet to see a “movement” - something only God could explain. A movement of repentance and revival among the people here breaking out with a fresh love for God and a transforming and revolution love for the world around us. Bits… but no breakout.

And so my friend’s question pushed me think about it again. What it means here in SJ and even more importantly what it means for me and us as individuals. I’ve had to ask again whether my own heart was dry and needed a reinvigoration of the Holy Spirit. I had to take another hard look at myself… and realize that my own heart was needing a fresh encounter of Jesus and this Gospel.

And I’m reminded again that revival [bringing life to where there is none] needs to happen in me first. This overflowing of life that Jesus brings needs to happen [and continue] in me… before it’s to spread to anyone else around me. And it quickly leads to a realization that I can’t do much to bring revival in myself and that it’s completely a work of Jesus that jolts me back into reality. The reality that I’m no better, that I’m just as prone to put up fronts, that I’m just as insecure as the next guy… and thus just as much in need of Jesus as the next guy too.

mentors

I’ve often felt lonely in this church planting thing. Not only because we started from scratch having not been planted from another church. But also because we went down a road less traveled. Or within our denominational family, the road never traveled.

I’ve had to learn how to filter through advice given to me. To appreciate the loving heart behind the words and to understand that much of it doesn’t apply to us. I’ve had mentors that have not understood at all what we were trying to do and yet because of my natural [possibly cultural] deference to those older/wiser, I’ve taken input… and at times to my demise.

I’m slowly figuring it out – though not without tons of mistakes. Figuring out that my ear needs to be finely tuned to the voice of God. There’re a few times where his voice has been so clear as if we were sitting together in the quiet of my living room. And other times where I’m not sure if he even wants to show up for our date. Most of the time, it’s somewhere in between. I think that’s been the most critical lesson learned. Listening to Jesus over man… even when man has planted 15 churches and has the title of Big Dog, PHD.

But God’s brought along a mentor in this new season – a man that I only connect with a few times a year. But each time he speaks prophetically to the heart and is sacrificially willing to pour his life into mine. Frankly he doesn’t know me that well, but he feels the Spirit-leading to do so. It’s the right season for this new mentor to come along. Thanks so much Mike.

I remember when we first started planting – the only thing that I remember God saying to me after he said “GO” was… “I’ll be with you.” He’s kept that promise. I’ve never been without older men who were wiser [OB, Joel, Bill, Duane] – though some for a shorter season – and willing to pour into me. And the times where the wisdom of older men wasn’t able to sooth the wound… it was God voice that I needed to hear. And it was his reminder to me that it really should be his voice that I needed to be attune to above all others.

You’ve never left Jesus… you kept your promise. Thanks…

mother’s day

It’s another Mother’s Day and I miss my mom. I still long to sit next to her and hear her voice. I still remember her sweet verbal elongations in my head and how reassuring her presence was in my life.

I ordered mom some flowers this year [for Dad to take to the gravesite]. I haven’t done that the past two years. But felt like I wanted to this time. I think in previous years, I’d just kinda ignore it. And then when the day comes, the flood of emotions would return. As if almost completely unprepared for it.

But I guess I’m grieving a little bit more this week… thinking about her throughout the week. Taking a long time to pick out the flowers online, wondering… “What would mom like?” I wish I had done that more when she was alive. Always the regret of the living.

People who’ve had parents/loved ones die say that you never get used to it. Yes, the pain isn’t as sharp… but do you get used to it? No. It’s true… I’m not used to it still. The hole is still there and will always be there.

As we go continue this process of trying to have children… I do look forward to the day when I’ll be able to hold my child, look into his/her eyes and give a little kiss for grandma. To know how much grandma would have loved this moment. How much grandma would have been so proud of her grandchild. How grandma is looking forward to the day when she’ll get to hold her beloved for real… sometime in the future. Hopefully not too soon… but she’ll be waiting and it’ll be an embrace like they’ll never experience. It’ll be like the ones I use to get while I was growing up.

Happy Mother’s Day Mom…

the business of ministry and some dude named edmond

I was in Redding this past week with some CMA guys looking to recruit interns. I wasn’t like other guys looking for someone to fill in a youth, children’s or worship position. I didn’t have a position to fill but willing to see if there are some guys who want to just come along and learn together. I guess that’s probably more in tune with the original concept of “intern”.

We went to the Asian fellowship and since it’s a CMA school, most of the Asian students were Hmong - there are a lot of Hmong CMA churches. I was really encouraged by the fire and passion for Jesus in them. It was good to see students who didn’t want to settle for status quo spirituality. They wanted revival and they wanted it bad… among their people and in the world.

I realized too that I don’t see that same fire among Chinese and Korean-American Christians. There isn’t that desperation that I see in these Hmong students. Granted, our sample size isn’t entirely fair… and most of these students are in Bible college for a reason. But still… the passion is so refreshing to see.

I think they grasp the Gospel more… that it’s really good news to them… I think they do because they come from poor families. Living in poorer neighborhoods, coming from working class families and being a part of the immigrant experience. Second generation Chinese/Korean kids have a little bit of the immigrant experience through their parents, but it’s not the same. They come primarily from middle-income families and don’t need to fight for what you get - and many of our parents do whatever they can to shield them from the hardships. I know, I’m one of them. I have to confess that I had it pretty easy. I’ve had to fight a few battles, but not like these guys.

When Jesus says blessed are the poor… there’s a reason. And you see it come to life among these new friends we made. If the poor are so blessed, why are we as a nation fighting so hard for money?

We also participated in a ministry class entitled, “The Business of Ministry”. Great. Their assignment that day? Lead a board meeting. Wow.  I think there’s nothing more invigorating.

I also got to hang out with this guy named Edmond Yeung. I have to confess that I don’t get along with a lot of Chinese pastors. I’m thoroughly supported by many Chinese pastors, but when it comes to connecting with them, we’re in different worlds. Completely… and frankly, it’s frustrating.

But I got to spend some time with Edmond and I was so encouraged. Why? He wasn’t about the numbers [his church is around 40-50 people]; he wasn’t about the acclaim. He didn’t have an unhealthy ambition that I see in so many pastors - I get it too sometimes and I have to beat the damn dog out of me. He wasn’t dominated with a drive to get more people in his church for the sake of getting more people in his church. He longed for people just to love Jesus. All he wanted to see was people turned on to the Gospel. That’s all. It didn’t matter that they were in his church or not.

And he told stories about his life - how his siblings were brilliant and he was the “dunce” among his siblings. And that God found  a way to use someone who’s terrible at public speaking, not exceptionally bright and with not a whole lot to give. He’s one of these guys… these guys that I so admire… that say stuff like this… “I don’t know how God did it… but he did.” Sorta like the blind man in the Gospels, “I don’t know what happened. All I know is that I was blind, but now I see.”

The man loves Jesus… why? Because he knows he can’t do anything for Jesus and yet he still loves him! And he can’t help but to love him back! He just loves Jesus. I love that… and it’s so encouraging. I can imagine that he’s not super popular among Chinese pastors. Because he’s not the savviest, nor the most charismatic and he definitely doesn’t have the biggest church. But the man loves Jesus. And that seems like it should count the most. It seems. Thanks Edmond for redeeming my historical relationship with Chinese pastors.

joys and realization

I think one of the purest joys for me in doing what I do is “passing the rock” and watching others “score”. I’m sure that analogy can be taken in infinite ways. My only other dream profession is being in the NBA and I’d love to play the point. In the mold of the traditionalists - John Stockton, Steve Nash, Magic Johnson… setting up his guys to score.

I was discussing Good Friday with Warren and Serg and had told them before that this time they were going to lead more and I was going to lead less. And as we were discussing, getting excited about what we were going to do, Serg asked me what part I wanted to lead. And Warren said… we don’t need him, we can do it! And I was really proud of my guys. They saw the joy of helping people see Jesus and they stepped up to the challenge. They weren’t afraid… of messing it up or doing something wrong.

I’m so tired of people who are paralyzed by a fear of failure. Don’t get me wrong… I’m afraid of failing too. I’m like everyone else… I don’t like falling on my face. But by and large there is so much fear. Fear of making a mistake, being looked down upon, losing what you have, finding out the truth. It’s slavery. It enslaves regardless of age, ethnic or socio-economic background. When I’m being judgmental… I think it’s pathetic. When I’m more humble about it [and realize it in myself too], it really makes me sad.

So I’m excited to see guys who say that fear is not an option. And to see it in a few of my guys… that they were willing to not be owned by fear for the sake of the Gospel. That makes me really proud. And the truth is that I see very few who make that deal, step up to that challenge… and not be owned… by fear.

warfare

I have to admit that I’ve never really understood spiritual warfare until we started church planting almost 4 years ago. We never really learned about it in seminary. Which will lead to another rant/post another time. I just never really understood it… or told to give it much attention. It’s not the entirety of what I do or think of… but I definitely think way more about it then systematic theology.

You know… if you start asking questions… the right questions. The questions that undermine the lies that Satan wants to perpetuate, he’ll come after you. I spoke with a pastor friend a while back and we both talked about how busy the “church” is how it takes us away from simply loving God and loving people. He began to ask those same questions at his church and was attacked from all directions. It’s caused him some grief with the people he serves with. But the litmus test as to whether it’s good or bad questioning? He said that the questioning was helping him fall more in love with Jesus. Good questioning I say.

Men struggle with porn. Let’s face it. If you’re a man, you either struggle with porn or you’re a liar. So like any man, I experience temptation, submit to accountability, have the software on my computer, etc. A few weeks ago I felt tempted and looked at some marginally questionable stuff. Nothing that would come up on the accountability software. And honestly, nothing too horrific.

And the rest of the day and the next, I felt a heavy condemnation on me. And a fear that I haven’t experienced in a long time. Fear of being found out, fear of not being worthy to do what I do, fear of just being a fake, a fraud. I couldn’t swing it.

I began to pray and couldn’t let loose of it. And I started examining more closely what was going on in my mind. And I realized that Satan was filling it with all sorts of crap. Things that have no validity in Scripture, things that don’t even make sense. And in my head, while I sitting in a cafe trying to work, I let out a primal mental scream… f*ck you Satan!! I couldn’t believe it. He had me going. I began to pray against those lies, pray against his influence. And then prayed for a filling of the Spirit. And immediately and for the rest of the week, I felt so free.

I was meeting with Serg and Warren and we were talking through Good Friday stuff. We were on a roll. Good stuff… really rediscovering the beauty of the cross in our conversation. It was awesome. As I was about to clinch it, there was a woman right in my line of sight… wearing something thoroughly inappropriate in a McDonald’s at 8am in the morning. Who wears that so early in the morning and can order two breakfast burritos with a straight face? It threw me off… completely lost my train of thought. I told the guys, Serg prayed, and was slowly brought back to sanity and continued on with our discussion.

Today we finished our discussion on Good Friday. Came up with good stuff. The guys are taking the lead and I’m so proud of them. And here we go again. And not just on me…

This is just this week… I understand temptation, I understand it’s a part of man. But Satan hates it when we start getting to the core of things. The things that really bring revolution and revival and restoration. The things of the CROSS, the things of Jesus, the heart of His Kingdom. It makes me mad at Satan… how he has robbed so many of their confidence in the cross and got them buying into things that have no real importance.

That’s warfare.

Archived Prayer Updates

If you are looking for the prayer updates that were on elton.ihaven.org, you can click on the links below to access them. I’ll be posting all prayer updates on this blog from now on. And you can click on the link to the right [Prayer Updates] or HERE to see all the updates and exclude the “Elton-Ramble” that is also on this blog. Say NO to “Elton-Ramble”.

Archived Prayer Updates:

2004 - May
2004 - June
2004 - July
2004 - September
2004 - December
2005 - February
2005 - April
2005 - May
2005 - September
2006 - February
2006 - June
2007 - January
2007 - May