EL’s Dribble

I was having lunch with a friend… eating well and having good conversation. And we slowly migrated to talking about God… and eventually to discussing what it means to really connect with God. And the question came up, “How do you really experience God’s love?”

I wasn’t all that sure how to respond. If there was a formula they didn’t teach us that in school. And my friend and I have been in the “church world” long enough to know all the pat answers [ie. more Bible and more prayer].

I thought back [quickly] to moments of very tangibly experiencing God’s love. Times where it felt unmistakably other-worldly. A mix of euphoria, liberation and embrace. Inebriated, but never losing yourself. Soaring in the clouds, but well grounded in reality. And you can’t help but to mutter to yourself… “Man, He loves me… He really loves me.”

And the only response I could think of was this… it seems like most experiences of God’s love are associated with some degree of surrender. The heart or will’s need to resign… to give in… to give up… to yield to whatever God is going to do – good or bad.

The only analogy I could think of was when my mom used to hug me when I was younger. I used to come home from college and she’d trot out to the door. I knew what she was going to do… as she approached, I stiffened up and she’d throw her arms around me. I would never wrap my arms around her – I’m a guy and I have an image to maintain [mind you, there's no one else there to see]. She’d plant a sloppy kiss on my cheek and I’d wiggle my way out.

During my mom’s journey with cancer, I eventually realized that her hugs might not be there forever. So one day after I returned home, I walked through the door and was resolute on not being a stiff. She walked slowly to me [no longer trotting from her weakened state], put her arms around me and gently kissed me on the cheek. I then wrapped my long arms around her and we embraced. It wasn’t a deep, hard hug… it was just a simple embrace. My mom leaned her head on my chest and I gently enveloped her with my arms. And we held it for a good 5 seconds.

And for the first time in a long time… I enjoyed a hug from my mom. I felt a little awkward, maybe a bit childish. My dad was never a big hugger – and so his sons never became huggers. But after I got over myself, I really enjoyed the embrace of my mother… I reveled in being her son. I had thousands of opportunities to experience what I did that day, but it took too long to get over myself. I had some stupid hang-up about being a weenie, being all tough. I needed to get over me and yield to mom. And yield to a mom who was always in the mood for loving me.

Surrender…

I realize that life’s struggles are there to help us surrender. To help us yield. And in so doing, to understand deeply God’s ocean of love for us. That’s also what’s goofy about the Gospel. In our world, the word “surrender” means that you admit that you suck and then receive the humiliation and punishment for falling short once again. Surrendering tends to get us thinking that we’re indeed as pathetic as we thought we were.

But the Gospel as it always does, turns it all upside down. Surrendering does begin with the fact that we suck. But it’s not returned with humiliation and punishment. Yielding to Jesus means that I’m no longer putting up that veneer of perfection, achievement or pride. It means giving in to whatever He wants… good or bad. And when we see our pitiful selves and want to either bear all the pain or hide in the darkest corner… it’s then that we tend to be most ready to open our eyes and behold… yes behold how wide, how long, how high and how deep is the love of Jesus.

It’s not the only time… but it seems like it’s these moments of desperation that provide the greatest moments of clarity. I wish there was another way. And there are times where everything is going swimmingly well and you just feel it. God is good like that. Those are really good times.

But we’re such fickle sheep. And too much of a good thing always skews our perspectives. But life’s natural ebb and flow is always ready to lead us back to a heart of surrender… and better yet, to a renewed awe-inspiring grasp of God’s deep love for you and me.

A few stories/examples on the next post… hopefully tomorrow.