God has taught me a lot this season. But most of it revolves around the theme of surrender. I hear him whispering to me:

Do you believe that my way is better than yours?
Do you trust where I’m taking you?
Do you love me more than fame, security or wealth?

It’s been a season of extremes. Exhilarating. Revealing. Distilling. But He’s been good to me. I might be whiny and gripey at times, but I know and feel like I am His son. And it’s my subtle reminder that I’m headed in the right direction, that I’m OK.

Snippets of life:

2 weeks… and then India
50 college-prep students
1st big EFD expenditure coming soon
see less of my dad
hand-pulled noodles
i really love my wife
understanding the world outside of the church

My wife and I finally decided to rehab these planters in our back patio. For about three years, they were holding lifelessly dry, granular soil littered with the remnants of vegetative corpses. I don’t even remember what we planted – it definitely didn’t resemble anything we’d want to eat or admire.

So we refreshed it with new soil, planted tomatoes, basil and chives. We threw in a cosmos for pure pleasure. Amazingly, it started to grow again. I’ve never gardened much, but there’s something very cathartic about it. Maybe it’s just the fact that in the midst of life’s frustrations, there are things we do that actually work.

We were reading up on how to nurture the fruit; get bigger tomatoes, leafier basil, chivier chives. And everyone talks about the need to prune – cutting down the fruitless branches and the pretty flowers. But they also mention the need to cut away some of the fruit. Though overall you might get less fruit, the fruit in the end will be larger and sweeter. Essentially pruning is cutting away the good so as to strive for the better.

I know it can said for every season, but God has been doing some pruning. I grieve a little not being in a formal ministry role. I love working with people, helping them live/love better, drawing out latent potential. I’ve wondered a little why I’m not in a formal ministry assignment. I feel like at the ripe age of 37, I have enough experience to not to be overly dreamy, but young and energetic enough to keep taking edgier risks.

But God is making it clear that this season isn’t for that. And I feel a bit of the void. I’ve even noticed that my own relationship with God not being as “hot” as it has been in the past. It’s a little disconcerting.

However when I pray, I hear his voice. And God is asking me a few questions.

“Who are you without the title?”

Uh… good question. And…

“Will you love me even if it’s not your job to?”

I think a lot of pastors love ministry more than they love God. But God is taking me to task it on it; putting me to the test. I don’t blame him for doing so. He wants to see who I really am underneath it all. He wants to be sure that underneath it all is just one thing… Him. Him and me, Father and son, no more, no less.

He’s pruning. Taking away stuff that’s seemingly good… but nurturing something in me that may be better in the long run. Maybe I’ll be larger and sweeter? Or maybe my love for him won’t be as tainted with so much ambition and pride. And for that, prune away.

<John 15:1-4> I am the true vine, and my Father is the gardener. He cuts off every branch in me that bears no fruit, while every branch that does bear fruit he prunes so that it will be even more fruitful. You are already clean because of the word I have spoken to you. Remain in me, as I also remain in you. No branch can bear fruit by itself; it must remain in the vine. Neither can you bear fruit unless you remain in me.

It’s All God – The theme of the retreat was “Freedom” – how the Gospel enables us to live free. On the second night, I taught a session on the lies that we perpetually buy into, lies that the Devil uses to keep us oppressed and afraid. It was a watershed moment for many. They knew they weren’t free, but they didn’t know why. On the third night, there was a movement of God, students were dancing and running laps around the auditorium, their joy uncontainable. It was a little out of control, but hey, who cares. It was like they tasted freedom for the first time and didn’t know what else to do.

I have taught this stuff before and have gotten varying levels of response. But God reminded me that he’s the one that does the freeing [as opposed to my rhetorical eloquence or lack there of]. My role is just to listen to him and do what he tells me. I had one of those moments where at the last minute, it seemed like God wanted to completely change up my message. I was thinking to myself, “Dude, I’m not prepared for the other message.” And when I kept asking God, he kept saying, “Trust me.” And of course it was the exact right message at the right time.

Fear – I think our generation is crippled with fear. We’re afraid of not making enough money, afraid of failing, afraid what people think of us. It keeps us from seeing God; it keeps us from really living true to how God made us. Even though we have the most education, the most resources, we have so little imagination. Imagination for what an all-powerful God can do and for how our world could be better. Many of us have dreams deep in our spirit and readily admit that they’re from God. But fear keeps us in an imaginary prison. I battle it too. And it’s done me in a few too many times too. But there’s so much potential in our generation and I don’t want us to be known as the greatest lot of underachievers in history.

Hungry – On that note, I see a generation of people who are tired of playing the church game. We’re hungry to see a real Jesus and not just “do” more church. On the third night, I taught on listening to the Holy Spirit [much of it spawned from this retreat]. At the end, we had a time where each individual would ask God the question, “What do you want to say to me right now?” and then write down the first thought that would come to mind. I asked about 25 random people to share out loud with the rest of group [about 300 total] what God told them and everyone had words that were extremely life giving and ultra specific to their lives. It had to be God and we all knew it. There was this sense of, “Wow, God wants to talk to ME?” and “God is REAL!” I didn’t have a lot of fancy things to say nor was I on top of my “game”. But we just led them to connect with God directly and God was so pleased to respond to the ones he loves. They knew that this was better than a fancy powerpoint or an entertaining worship service. They were hungry for the real Jesus; and when they got him, they knew it and weren’t going to let him go.

Lastly, I learned for myself that in the coming years, God may be pushing us to the very limits of our mind, soul and strength. That seems obvious with our work with Ellie Fun Day; but somewhere along the way, I have daydreamed of EFD yielding immediate success and garnering world-wide acclaim. But God’s reminding me that there will be a lot of heart-break and struggle ahead. And it’s supremely important that we hold on to him… that we trust him.

At the end of the retreat, Peter [the youth pastor] had the entire group pray for us. In light of our learning to listen to the Holy Spirit, he led the group to ask God for a word for us and then to share it immediately. A sampling of what they said:

• God wants you to trust him. You don’t need to be afraid, let go of your fear and trust him, He’s with you.
• I see you and Sarah riding a roller coaster and right as it does a sharp turn, you guys fly off of the coaster. But your not afraid; if fact you’re smiling and it likes you’re feeling very free.
• The vision God gave me about you and Sarah was to keep the faith; hold on to faith, even if everything else slips away.
• I was given Psalm 126:5- “Those who sow in tears will reap in songs of joy.”

There was more, but much of it ran along the same themes. I have to admit that I love the words of God’s faithfulness. But I cringe at what might be to come; the things we will need to go through to see it. I know this is God’s way… to achieve what he wants and what he wants in us. Unfortunately there are no shortcuts.

I realize that God’s heart for me today has been the same since the beginning – Will you follow me? Will you trust me? Don’t be afraid my son, I’m with you.

OK Father… let’s go.

A few snaps from DC:

I want to share about what Sarah and I have been doing since we stepped down from leading Haven. It’s been a full six months – took a road trip, visited some friends and went to the gym a little more. Just a little more.

After much prayer and reflection, we’ve started a social enterprise designing baby blankets that change the lives of untouchable caste women in India. Our mission is to design baby blankets that are produced by Dalit [untouchable] women, providing a pathway for a sustainable living and relevant job training. The goal is to sell the blankets in the United States and develop a long-term trading relationship that will both produce a beautiful product and empower under-resourced people groups.

In short, we’re trying to do stuff we love and change the world while we’re doing it.

We’ve been working on it for a few months already and are making steady movement towards bringing the blanket to market. We’re partnering with our friends at Bible Faith Mission in South India who lead a revolutionary ministry empowering Dalits through education, social reform and local church-planting.

There’s more to share. But one thing we’re looking for are friends who’ll come along for the journey. Not just investors or distant sympathizers. But people who will offer whatever they have to love and equip a people that have been marginalized for generations. It’s less about what you have or more about the heart to give, love and serve. And finding ways to do it together.

ONE THING YOU CAN DO FOR US NOW is to go to the Ellie Fun Day Facebook page and “LIKE” it – we’re ramping up for promotionals and pre-orders and it’ll help us stay connected. You can also share the EFD Facebook link on your page and give us a little pub. We need as many “likes” as we can get – it’s very much appreciated.

Contact me if you want to hear more about it, read a business plan or just say, “I want to be a part of it, but I don’t know what to do.” We can figure it out and work together.

Thanks friends and blessings to you.

Elton Lin

www.facebook.com/elliefunday

Continuing a series on some lessons I’ve learned during this past season of church planting.

It’s a pretty cliche phrase among preachers: living for an audience of ONE. That one being God of course. And living as if his opinion on our performance is the only one that matters. The problem is that in so many cases [if not every case] the approval of that one means disapproval from all the other ones. And for a recovering people-pleaser that’s a hard burden to bare.

I mentioned in a previous post how so many of my decisions came down to choosing between God and man. It seemed very black and white. I sensed God leading one way with so many [Christians] pointing towards another. And so often, it was as simple as when I chose God, I found his approval, but felt their disapproval. And when I chose them, hoping to get their approval, I never fully got their approval and I knew I wasn’t following God. I felt empty and never really free.

As I finished that season and have move towards another grand adventure, I’m sure I disappointed a lot of people. I didn’t plant the next Asian-American megaplex. We did not break the 100 person barrier. I wasn’t the rising star that some had hoped.

But when I sit with my Father. And ask him what he thinks. He always tells me that he’s pleased with me. That I did well. That he loves me. And I can’t help but to think that I got the point. Surely I didn’t do everything right – far from it. I made a lot of mistakes and course corrected constantly. But by-in-large, I finished feeling like I chose to go with God. And not what pleased everyone else.

I sense this is what this season is about for many of us young leaders. Choosing God over man. Understanding that his approval often means disapproval from others. And really learning to live for an audience of one. And if we don’t get this right, we really screw the rest of it all up. We live trying to meet every expectation, trying to please the un-please-able, and never really free to pursue the dreams that God has placed in us.

A not so fringe-benefit of all this is that we understand just a tiny bit more of what Jesus felt when he was physically on earth. Rejected, scorned, deemed as a failure. But loved, approved and embraced by the one who matters. I realize more and more that it has to be this way. For him and for us.

I promised the next “lessons” post will be more practical and less of this reflection nonsense! Ha.

I’ve been trying to write down a few things I’ve learned in seven years of church planting. Maybe so I won’t forget or make the same mistakes the second time around. The first installment here:

lessons :: jesus

This one’s a little more practical. I remember in the first year [when I definitely didn't know what I was doing... as opposed to later, "sorta" not knowing what I was doing], I was having a conversation with another pastor about baptism. He said that even though he has several other pastors on his staff, he does all the baptisms at his church. I asked why and he said, “That’s always how we’ve done it and it’s my way as senior pastor to shepherd the entire church.”

I don’t know what possessed me to ask why… I know other churches that do the same. But when I heard the answer, I realized it made absolutely no sense. Does any “shepherding” actually happen when the senior pastor shows up every few months to dunk a few people? Does the Bible actually mandate that baptisms be done by pastors [let alone the "senior" ones]? And just because others did it, why do we need to do it?

From that point on, I found myself asking “why” to everything. Why do we need a building? Why does the pastor have to do all the teaching? And [the blasphemous] why do we need to have weekly Sunday worship? I found myself asking this question over and over again:

Why am I doing what I’m doing?

I never really got good answers to my own question. And the problematic thing was that I found myself in somewhat of a no-man’s land. I couldn’t go back to the old way of doing things; but I also had no idea where to go to next. There wasn’t anyone in my circles that had walked down this path. And I constantly felt the pressure [externally and internally] to keep doing the things I was finding less and less reason to do. I was often stuck, afraid to move.

But the benefit is always in the process. The question forced me to think outside my box. To begin seeing problems differently. It forced me to be honest with my own doubts and risk going where others have not. I invariably came up with different solutions than what most others were proposing. Not all my proposed solutions worked. Some did though. But that’s not so much the point.

The point is this – are we humble enough to ask ourselves [and those around us] the hard questions that may leave us completely vulnerable, at risk of looking like a failure? There were times I didn’t want to ask anymore. Ignorance was bliss. But I couldn’t avoid it – it gnawed at me.

When I did ask, I could see more clearly when I was going down the wrong path. And since I didn’t know what to do next and there weren’t any books/people to tell me, I had no choice but to pray. When God would tell to do something, I’d muscle up some courage and go do it. And in the end, I was almost always clear on what I was doing and why I was doing it. It didn’t mean it always worked. But at the end of the day, I always felt obedient to what God was telling me. I wouldn’t trade that for anything.

Maybe an apt metaphor for the process might be this… it’s like water working its way down a mountainside. It runs into barriers, but gravity keeps pushing it down. And eventually it finds the best path. A path that will allow for greater flow. The trickle turns into a stream, a stream turns into a river. And the river carves out a very distinct path with enough flow to give life to inhabitants along the way.

That sounds way more philosophical and new age-ish than I intended. But think of the converse. A stagnant, stale body of water. Has no inlet or outlet. Not clear enough to see through because of all the algae. And barely able to support a few fish. That describes many of our churches today. There’s more death than life.

So let’s ask the question, be humble and honest with the answers [or lack there of]. And re-orient back to what God actually wants us to do and not just what we’ve always done.

Having been in the church for a while, I’ve read plenty of these kind of quotes. I understand the words, but the truth is that I have only minimally understood them in my spirit. As God walks with me and molds me, I get it just a little bit more. A quote that I’ve read before that I re-read recently:

“A zealous man in religion is pre-eminently a man of one thing. It is not enough to say that he is earnest, hearty, uncompromising, thorough-going, whole-hearted, fervent in spirit. He only sees one thing, he care for one thing, he lives for one thing, he is swallowed up in one thing; and that one thing is to please God. Whether he lives, or whether he dies–whether he has health, or whether he has sickness–whether he is rich, or whether he is poor–whether he pleases man, or whether he gives offense–whether he is thought wise, or whether he is thought foolish–whether he gets blame, or whether he gets praise–whether he gets honor, or whether he gets shame–for all this the zealous man cares nothing at all. He burns for one thing, and that one thing is to please God and to advance Gods glory. If he is consumed in the very burning, he does not care–he is content. He feels that, like a lamp, he is made to burn; and if consumed in burning, he has but done the work for which God has appointed him.

Such an one will always find a sphere for his zeal. If he cannot preach, and work, and give money, he will cry, and sigh, and pray. Yes: if he is only a pauper, on a perpetual bed of sickness, he will make the activity of sin around him slow to a standstill, by continually interceding against it. If he cannot fight in the valley with Joshua, he will do the work of Moses, Aaron, and Hur, on the hill. (Exodus 17:9-13) If he is cut off from working himself, he will give the Lord no rest till help is raised up from another quarter, and the work is done. This is what I mean when I speak of zeal in religion.”

Jesus, help me be about just one thing. Amen.

I know this is late in the game. But hey, I’ve been busy and who has time to constantly blog and still do the important things, ie. having meaningful conversation, bargain shopping and bathing? I realize fewer people are talking about this now because that’s the nature of internet buzz. Here today and gone tomorrow. But oh well.

As background, Rob Bell published a book called Love Wins that challenges the traditional view that only those who receive Jesus go to heaven. The promo video and recently published book has drawn a lot of backlash from many Evangelical outlets calling him a universalist. And there’s been an onrush of John Piper retweets, “Farewell, Rob Bell,” all over the twitterscape.

For the record, I do believe that Jesus is the only way. He says so himself. I do agree that the stuff Rob Bell is saying may do damage to the church. And, no I haven’t read the book, but have read some in-depth reviews on it.

But what bugs me the most is not that Rob might be a universalist. He’s not the first and won’t be the last. But that after his promo video [before the book release], there was this public burning-at-the-stake. He was casted aside, voted off the island. Rob was a rock-star among pastors, a “weapon” in the fight to reclaim American church-goers. But he’s now no longer worthy to be among the ranks of Gospel preachers.

I find it all pretty despicable. One of the overarching metaphors in the Bible for the church is “family.” When my cousin Ann starts spouting off nonsensical gibberish [And she certainly does! I expect a comment now... ha!], my first response isn’t to throw her to the curb. Yes, there should be an guttural reaction to that which is an affront to truth. But my response is a reflection of my relationship. Ann’s my cousin, she’s family and I love her. We come alongside, work out our differences and allow one to challenge the other. We didn’t treat Rob like family… more so like an employee or a fallen movie star.

The other thing I keep hearing is that the extreme response is warranted because of the damage Rob’s doing to the church. I agree in part that what he’s saying is leading some astray. But the bigger problem is this… we’ve nurtured a codependency between church-goer and pastor. Churches/pastors aren’t challenging people to discover for themselves what’s true in Scripture. Church-goers are convinced they aren’t capable of deciphering the Bible for themselves and need a “professional” to do it for them.

We then end up developing two types of people:

• Blind Militants – Those who listen blindly and respond militantly. Ala Westboro Baptist.
• Passive Adherents – Those who’ll do their religious exercise, but end up believing whatever they want anyways.

Many Evangelicals already believe that Jesus isn’t the only way to heaven. Rob’s not telling them anything they don’t already believe.

We need to help/equip our people to search the Scriptures for themselves. Most wouldn’t know how to put Rob’s teaching to the test. And they’ll end up depending on another flawed leader to do a work they should be doing themselves. Rob’s stuff should push us to push our people into the Word and ask, “What does the Bible actually say?” And we should trust that the Holy Spirit is alive, willing and yearning to speak truth into those who seek. They will then encounter God for themselves, firm up their theology and be able to live a life dependent on God and not codependent on their pastors/leaders.

So chill. Use this as an opportunity to help our people discover the real Jesus and don’t be so surprised that some will teach a different Gospel. I think Rob’s book [and the ensuing media backlash] might be showing us something about ourselves. Our theology might be right, but our heart [and maybe our methodology] is in the wrong. And last I checked, Jesus said you can’t have one without the other.

On a side note: his videos are always so well produced. We should at least agree on that.

I was listening to a Francis Chan sermon recently and he made a statement that has been lingering in me these past few days. He said that the best things in our lives aren’t things planned by us. I’ve been thinking about it and doing little mental experiments as if to put his theory to the test. I began thinking… what are the best things in my life?

The first thing I thought of was my family. We’re far from perfect, but I have a great relationship with my family members. I had an amazing mother. I have a father that has never left the family. Next to my wife, my brother’s my best friend. My sister-in-law is a chef [that's not even her best trait]. They love me even though I’ve been a brat most of my childhood.

I get to follow after my passions and help people know Jesus better. Even though it’s a bit financially precarious, I didn’t have to save up $10 million in the bank before I embarked on it. From day 1, the needs of my family have always been met one way or another.

My wife is perfectly suited for me. Even though she drives me nuts sometimes, she makes me want to be a better man. There are parts of her that I never saw [and couldn't have] while we were dating but now see after 10 years of marriage. And I realize her passions and personality traits perfectly complement mine.

I wake up each day knowing that I’m embraced by God. I’m his son. He loves me and gets giddy when he thinks about me. And for what? I make tons of mistakes and I haven’t accomplished anything all that big. My best trait might be that I can make soup. And that’s not all that great.

None of this stuff I planned or spent years working for. I don’t possess any of these because of my competency or aptitude. In fact, they are present in my life in spite of who I am and what I do. The things I have accomplished are good and in many ways are very satisfying. But they aren’t necessarily the best things. They are things I could live without on most days.

In the end it puts a bit of perspective on what I can and can’t do. I’m reminded that everything doesn’t rest on my shoulders. And I don’t have to cheat today by worrying about tomorrow.

BTW, that Reuben sandwich you see. The absolute BEST Reuben I’ve ever had in my entire life. And I didn’t make it. Another proof that the theory is correct.

So my dad is writing his life memoir. It’s a combination of my proposing that he write down his life story for his grandchildren and not having a whole lot to do. I think having an uncle [his younger brother] who is a well-regarded, published scientist might also be spurring him on to write something of his own.

The truth is that it’s been a really rewarding journey. Every time I visit him he’s eager to tell me about the season of life he’s been reflecting on. And I’m eager to listen. As I was growing up, I used to dread my dad’s long sermonic lectures; I’d even tune out after a while, not make eye-contact at times to let him know he’s talked too long.

But I admit that I’m very tuned in now. As he’s recounting certain movements in his life, I can see the humanity in my father. He’s more than just that stoic Chinese man spouting off static truths. I see the struggle, the heartache, the victories that have led him to where he’s at now.

I see so much of myself in his journey. It’s a little frightening. So much so that I feel bad for ever feeling like my parents never understood. He shared about going against his father’s wishes for him to work in the family fisheries business. And about how he felt great sadness for not fulfilling his own father’s dream for him. But he knew that he needed to go his own way – for our family and for his own soul. I almost fell out of my seat knowing that I had rebuffed my own father’s dream of starting an engineering/architecture firm with my brother in order to pursue a life in Christian ministry.

In the end, I guess I’m just trying to take advantage of the time with my dad. He’s in his seventies; healthy and in right mind. I never got to ask my mom all the questions I wanted to ask before she died. And there’s so much of their history together that I don’t really know. I know so many people who didn’t grow up with fathers. And no matter what my experience was with my father, I knew that he loved me and that he never left. I’m beginning to realize what an amazing treasure that really is.