EL’s Dribble

Most days I’m steamrolling through… trying to “get’er done”, keep the truck moving and not stop until we get to the “prize”. I’m caught up in that pursuit most days. It’s fueled by a passion for Jesus. But I’d be lying if that higher-octane stuff wasn’t mixed in with some low-octane, dirt-filled selfish ambition to prove to the world that I’m amazing at what I do. That one day an edifice to my glory would be erected in my honor to my great accomplishments in this world. I’m no less perverted than the OG’s planning to build their tower in Babel.

My friend and I were talking about Dieter Zander recently and I asked him what’s going on with him. He was one of the first guys in North America to leave a “successful” megachurch career because he realized that there was something achingly missing. I wasn’t in tune with all his whereabouts, but he had written one of the first books about reaching Generation X people and had been slowly moving to smaller and smaller communities, rediscovering what a spiritual family really ought to be. Last I heard he was trying to start house churches in San Francisco and was no longer bent on doing the Sunday church thing. We’ve never met, but he has always been a passive role model.

I found out through my friend that Dieter had suffered a stroke in early 2008. And since then he hasn’t been the same – has not been able to resume any sort of normal ministry life. And it’s been a slow rehabilitation to just being able to speak and function normally.

Recently he had a party – a party to grieve and let go of the “old” life and embrace the “new” life. People came to share about his impact in their life. And I can imagine it being as bitter sweet as can be. He analogized it this way, “I feel like I’ve taken off my old coat, and put it down, and I’m putting on a new coat. I felt sad going to the party, like I was wearing my old coat, still wanting to do ministry the way I have for 25 years … same old familiar way. I put my coat down. It’s a transition to what’s next.”

I was talking to Sarah about it and it got me a little choked up… to have to die to something you’re not ready or wanting to die to… but you have to. It’s like having something ripped out of your hands. We experience it in small ways in a lot of things. But with something like this, it’s much more encompassing. And when it gets taken from you, you have a choice to keep dreaming of what it was like in the old days and remain in this constant state of bitterness. Or you can embrace what has come and begin looking at life from the new set of eyes you’ve been given.

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I think one of the purest joys for me in doing what I do is “passing the rock” and watching others “score”. I’m sure that analogy can be taken in infinite ways. My only other dream profession is being in the NBA and I’d love to play the point. In the mold of the traditionalists – John Stockton, Steve Nash, Magic Johnson… setting up his guys to score.

I was discussing Good Friday with Warren and Serg and had told them before that this time they were going to lead more and I was going to lead less. And as we were discussing, getting excited about what we were going to do, Serg asked me what part I wanted to lead. And Warren said… we don’t need him, we can do it! And I was really proud of my guys. They saw the joy of helping people see Jesus and they stepped up to the challenge. They weren’t afraid… of messing it up or doing something wrong.

I’m so tired of people who are paralyzed by a fear of failure. Don’t get me wrong… I’m afraid of failing too. I’m like everyone else… I don’t like falling on my face. But by and large there is so much fear. Fear of making a mistake, being looked down upon, losing what you have, finding out the truth. It’s slavery. It enslaves regardless of age, ethnic or socio-economic background. When I’m being judgmental… I think it’s pathetic. When I’m more humble about it [and realize it in myself too], it really makes me sad.

So I’m excited to see guys who say that fear is not an option. And to see it in a few of my guys… that they were willing to not be owned by fear for the sake of the Gospel. That makes me really proud. And the truth is that I see very few who make that deal, step up to that challenge… and not be owned… by fear.