EL’s Dribble

I had my Tuesday day off today – it has not been an easy discipline honestly. I’ve been challenged by Pete Scazerro’s [and others] rebuke for people to take proper sabbaths – especially pastors. So I’ve been trying to really learn to relax, take my time, keep the rest of the world away and live in an unhurried mindfulness of God.

So I watched a movie… at home. It was raining all day and taking very “spiritual” walks in the woods don’t happen in the rain. I watched this documentary called Man on Wire. It was really interesting and the temptation is to wonder what kind of personality would do something so foolish as to string up a tightrope between the World Trade Center and walk across. Insane.

But it was really intriguing to hear Philippe Petit share about how his dream was spawned and the passion he had for something so crazy, so out of the ordinary, something that could demand his life in the pursuit. During all the meticulous planning and the numerous setbacks, he said that he needed to remind himself of the sheer exhilaration he’d feel once he’s on the rope.

The logical question would be to ask why we don’t live with the same kind of reckless passion. But I think we all know why. I sense that most of us live life placidly and occasionally embark on some death-defying challenge that reminds us that we can live, really live. It’s as if we strive to live ordinary existences needing occasional moments of the extraordinary [just to keep us sane]. What if we tried living extraordinary existences needing occasional moments of the ordinary [just to keep us sane]. Maybe life would be different… incomplete thoughts… but a few reflections after a pretty engaging documentary.

Some quotes:

“If I die, what a beautiful death. To die in the exercise of passion.”

“To me, it’s really so simple, that life should be lived on the edge. You have to exercise rebellion. To refuse to tape yourself to the rules, to refuse your own success, to refuse to repeat yourself, to see every day, every year, every idea as a true challenge. Then you will live your life on the tightrope.”

I have to admit that I’ve never really understood spiritual warfare until we started church planting almost 4 years ago. We never really learned about it in seminary. Which will lead to another rant/post another time. I just never really understood it… or told to give it much attention. It’s not the entirety of what I do or think of… but I definitely think way more about it then systematic theology.

You know… if you start asking questions… the right questions. The questions that undermine the lies that Satan wants to perpetuate, he’ll come after you. I spoke with a pastor friend a while back and we both talked about how busy the “church” is how it takes us away from simply loving God and loving people. He began to ask those same questions at his church and was attacked from all directions. It’s caused him some grief with the people he serves with. But the litmus test as to whether it’s good or bad questioning? He said that the questioning was helping him fall more in love with Jesus. Good questioning I say.

Men struggle with porn. Let’s face it. If you’re a man, you either struggle with porn or you’re a liar. So like any man, I experience temptation, submit to accountability, have the software on my computer, etc. A few weeks ago I felt tempted and looked at some marginally questionable stuff. Nothing that would come up on the accountability software. And honestly, nothing too horrific.

And the rest of the day and the next, I felt a heavy condemnation on me. And a fear that I haven’t experienced in a long time. Fear of being found out, fear of not being worthy to do what I do, fear of just being a fake, a fraud. I couldn’t swing it.

I began to pray and couldn’t let loose of it. And I started examining more closely what was going on in my mind. And I realized that Satan was filling it with all sorts of crap. Things that have no validity in Scripture, things that don’t even make sense. And in my head, while I sitting in a cafe trying to work, I let out a primal mental scream… f*ck you Satan!! I couldn’t believe it. He had me going. I began to pray against those lies, pray against his influence. And then prayed for a filling of the Spirit. And immediately and for the rest of the week, I felt so free.

I was meeting with Serg and Warren and we were talking through Good Friday stuff. We were on a roll. Good stuff… really rediscovering the beauty of the cross in our conversation. It was awesome. As I was about to clinch it, there was a woman right in my line of sight… wearing something thoroughly inappropriate in a McDonald’s at 8am in the morning. Who wears that so early in the morning and can order two breakfast burritos with a straight face? It threw me off… completely lost my train of thought. I told the guys, Serg prayed, and was slowly brought back to sanity and continued on with our discussion.

Today we finished our discussion on Good Friday. Came up with good stuff. The guys are taking the lead and I’m so proud of them. And here we go again. And not just on me…

This is just this week… I understand temptation, I understand it’s a part of man. But Satan hates it when we start getting to the core of things. The things that really bring revolution and revival and restoration. The things of the CROSS, the things of Jesus, the heart of His Kingdom. It makes me mad at Satan… how he has robbed so many of their confidence in the cross and got them buying into things that have no real importance.

That’s warfare.