EL’s Dribble

Next door to the place we rent for our monthly worship are these boarding homes for many formerly homeless and persons with mental illness. And we’ve sporadically gone over and tried to find ways to love them. Honestly it’s been hard. We’re just beginning to understand [after 4+ years] what the issues are. We’ve tried different things – some things worked well and other things failed royally: clothes drives, small Bible studies, simple worship services, etc. What we’ve learned is that so many of them live very lonely existences, suffering from all of sorts of problems [some self-imposed and others just by consequence]. They live lonely existences because many of their families have rejected them, people generally don’t talk to them and they are a “forgotten” people in the system.

So what we’ve been doing [until God tells us otherwise] is that we go over, bring lunch for all of us and just hang out. We’ve been doing this off and on over the course of the last year. We ask them how they are doing, what their story is, where they are from, etc. And we ask them if they need any prayer and we pray. And that’s about it – there’s nothing fancy, we don’t stay terribly long. We just share a meal and be friends.

And what it’s done is remind us that there’s no reason to be afraid – these are people most wouldn’t talk to on the street. But they’re people just like us – who have experienced some hard moments, who are working through their struggles and are just needing a reminder that they matter in this world. The truth is that we’re all the same.

We went yesterday and had a great time in the sun, eating Chinese food and talking life. We’ve been doing it for a while, but I think we are just beginning to get why we need to be there [for both our good] and we’re slowly understanding Jesus’ heart to love the least. I got a hug from James Taylor yesterday… he said, “You guys are good people… you’re our buddies.” This is after 4+ years of knowing each other. Things don’t happen overnight. And God has used our time there to birth something in them and in us.

We got this letter today from Michelle who is a resident there:

Dear Elton and family,their friends,and their church community;

THANK-YOU!!!,very much for the fun get-together and lunch that was put on by you guys yesterday here at the Victorians Independant living community.Everybody that I talked to said that they had a good time,and to tell you “Thank-you!!!We feel very honored to have you and the prescence of GOD here every time you come and fellowship with us.Through the love of Christ,you show consideration and compassion for us-we really do appreciate this.May god bless you always,in the great work you guys(and gals) do for us and everyone your hearts “Touch”.We are truly blessed.

With love,through God, The residents of the Victorians.
ps- Great food!!! )))))))

Also posted @ ihaven.org.

I was at my first of four weddings that I’ll be officiating this past weekend. It was in Tahoe and ahhh… I forgot how beautiful Lake Tahoe really is. I got to meet a lot of Gail and Hubert’s family and got to know hear some good stories.

I was talking with one of Gail’s cousins – a really interesting guy who works for a school-photography company [taking those semi-cheese stock school photos - the one we all had when we were in elementary school]. On first appearance he looked like one of those “I’m-passionate-about-art-and-design-but-I’m-always-misunderstood-so-I’ll-keep-a-harder-exterior-and-a-safe-distance-from-you” – I guess I judge people just like everyone else.

But it was easy to strike up a conversation and connection with him – of which couldn’t be said about most people these days. We talked about random things, including careers, photography, family, etc. And then I noticed that he had a tattoo on his wrist – so I asked him what that tattoo was. It looked like a bracelet tattooed around his wrist with the following word inscribed on the inside of the wrist:

It is pronounced “ASHER” which means “BLESSED” in Hebrew… I didn’t want to flex my amazing Hebrew on him [of which there wasn't much anyways]… frankly all I could do was pronouce it. Weak.

He shared that as he was growing up he was really hard on himself. He would hear people’s criticism and he’d take it really hard and be in depressive funks for weeks on end. A few years ago he went to the Philippines to visit family and came across a group of people who had far less than he had and yet weren’t suffering the same type of emotional funks. They were blessed… and it reminded him that he was blessed as well. And as he began to remember that God had indeed blessed him [I assume with the life, the skills, the job he has, etc.]… the depressive funks began to go away. He said he suffers very few of those funks these days.

He finished off his explanation with this – that at the end of the day [his words not mine, haha], God’s opinion of him was the only one that mattered. It was so encouraging… to hear someone understand in it’s simplest form, the essential message of Jesus. I don’t think he went to church or was particularly “religious” – whatever that means. But he understood… and because of this, he had a very genuine “sunny-disposition”… it wasn’t fake like many of us “professional” Christians. He was very thoughtful and you can tell he’s a thinker – but he didn’t look weighed down and had no problem sharing his story with some punk like me.

He knew he was blessed – but after our convo, I was the one who’s blessed.

I’m re-reading The Wounded Healer by Henri Nouwen and I’m reminded again why he’s my favorite author, next to Jose Canseco. He communicates the complex nuances of leadership and pastoral sensitivity in such simple and profound ways. I remember first reading it – I didn’t get it. But I think I get it now… or at least better. A quote to ponder:

“The great illusion of leadership is to think that man can be led out of the desert by someone who has never been there. Our lives are filled with examples which tell us that leadership asks for understanding and that understanding requires sharing. So long as we define leadership in terms of preventing or establishing precedents, or in terms of being responsible for some kind of abstract ‘general good,’ we have forgotten that no God can save us except a suffering God, and that no man can lead his people except the man who is crushed by his sins.” [pg. 72]

I have a friend who asked me about developing small groups. And she said that there’s this tension with developing community and reaching out. Meaning you want to keep the same group so that you can develop trust and then nurture transparency. And we all know that transparency is where the action happens.

But if you reach out and invite new people you take a few steps back on the trust index. And then we’re no closer to transparency nirvana. So she asked me what we do about that.

To be honest I haven’t thought about that for a while. We’re always telling our people to integrate their faith with their life and to then integrate their life with the lives of others. So that there are very few seams in the fabric of our lives. Jesus is spilling over everything.

And it made me think that even the paradigm of community building vs. mission is contrary to the Gospel. If the Gospel is God initiating love for his people… meaning he loved when he knew we didn’t love him back… and we’re to model that love for others, transparency should come before trust. Not trust before transparency. The Gospel always turns stuff upside down.

The world operates on that paradigm. You don’t give anyone your money, time or heart without first determining whether they are trustworthy. They’ve got to earn it. And when they do, then you can leak out a bit of yourself while still maintaining some safeguards. Earning always comes first.

So going back to the small group thing – what if we followed the paradigm of the Gospel and were transparent regardless of trust. I think it would accomplish 2 things:

1. It would reinforce that we believe the Gospel… the Gospel that says that our worth is completely based on what Jesus has done for us and never on what we’ve done. If we believe that Jesus determines our worth, we don’t need to be enslaved by what others say. We’re wholly accepted and loved by God. Isn’t the reason why we’re not tranparent is that we’re afraid of rejection? It becomes a faith exercise and a way of deepening the Gospel within us [isn't that Philippians 2:12?].
2. New people will automatically feel embraced… they’d be pleasantly surprised that people would be willing to share their life without even knowing them. The first time I went to this one group, I heard everyone’s junk… they shared openly and vulnerably, acknowledging their need for God. I automatically felt like I was one of them – they didn’t need to welcome me.

When we live out the Gospel paradigm, community is built and we’re on mission… automatically, without needing to reconcile the two. And I realize that it’s the Gospel’s business to reconcile things that just don’t make any sense, that seem in opposition. Whether it’s people, social systems or ministry methods.

I’m finding that I need to be very aware of whether our medium is also communicating the Gospel. I realize that having such a segmented paradigm contradicts the message of the Gospel. IE. having a small group for community and a small group for evangelism. Don’t get me wrong… I don’t think I’m trying to be militant about the integration of everything into one homogenous medium. That’s not right either. I can’t imagine our toddlers and soccer players meshing well [though I'm sure there might be a way that could work]. But I’m finding that I need to ask whether the medium… the means by which we are communicating the Gospel… contradicts the message. If so, we’re in big trouble.

I’ve recently had someone in our group ask about the Lakeland Revivals. Apparently they know friends who are traveling out to Florida in hopes of receiving an experience of the Holy Spirit. It was a good question at the right time for me. I’ve been praying for revival in San Jose since we’ve started and have recently met a guy who is leading the House of Prayer in SJ. And though God has moved in great ways, we have yet to see a “movement” – something only God could explain. A movement of repentance and revival among the people here breaking out with a fresh love for God and a transforming and revolution love for the world around us. Bits… but no breakout.

And so my friend’s question pushed me think about it again. What it means here in SJ and even more importantly what it means for me and us as individuals. I’ve had to ask again whether my own heart was dry and needed a reinvigoration of the Holy Spirit. I had to take another hard look at myself… and realize that my own heart was needing a fresh encounter of Jesus and this Gospel.

And I’m reminded again that revival [bringing life to where there is none] needs to happen in me first. This overflowing of life that Jesus brings needs to happen [and continue] in me… before it’s to spread to anyone else around me. And it quickly leads to a realization that I can’t do much to bring revival in myself and that it’s completely a work of Jesus that jolts me back into reality. The reality that I’m no better, that I’m just as prone to put up fronts, that I’m just as insecure as the next guy… and thus just as much in need of Jesus as the next guy too.

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I was in Redding this past week with some CMA guys looking to recruit interns. I wasn’t like other guys looking for someone to fill in a youth, children’s or worship position. I didn’t have a position to fill but willing to see if there are some guys who want to just come along and learn together. I guess that’s probably more in tune with the original concept of “intern”.

We went to the Asian fellowship and since it’s a CMA school, most of the Asian students were Hmong – there are a lot of Hmong CMA churches. I was really encouraged by the fire and passion for Jesus in them. It was good to see students who didn’t want to settle for status quo spirituality. They wanted revival and they wanted it bad… among their people and in the world.

I realized too that I don’t see that same fire among Chinese and Korean-American Christians. There isn’t that desperation that I see in these Hmong students. Granted, our sample size isn’t entirely fair… and most of these students are in Bible college for a reason. But still… the passion is so refreshing to see.

I think they grasp the Gospel more… that it’s really good news to them… I think they do because they come from poor families. Living in poorer neighborhoods, coming from working class families and being a part of the immigrant experience. Second generation Chinese/Korean kids have a little bit of the immigrant experience through their parents, but it’s not the same. They come primarily from middle-income families and don’t need to fight for what you get – and many of our parents do whatever they can to shield them from the hardships. I know, I’m one of them. I have to confess that I had it pretty easy. I’ve had to fight a few battles, but not like these guys.

When Jesus says blessed are the poor… there’s a reason. And you see it come to life among these new friends we made. If the poor are so blessed, why are we as a nation fighting so hard for money?

We also participated in a ministry class entitled, “The Business of Ministry”. Great. Their assignment that day? Lead a board meeting. Wow.  I think there’s nothing more invigorating.

I also got to hang out with this guy named Edmond Yeung. I have to confess that I don’t get along with a lot of Chinese pastors. I’m thoroughly supported by many Chinese pastors, but when it comes to connecting with them, we’re in different worlds. Completely… and frankly, it’s frustrating.

But I got to spend some time with Edmond and I was so encouraged. Why? He wasn’t about the numbers [his church is around 40-50 people]; he wasn’t about the acclaim. He didn’t have an unhealthy ambition that I see in so many pastors – I get it too sometimes and I have to beat the damn dog out of me. He wasn’t dominated with a drive to get more people in his church for the sake of getting more people in his church. He longed for people just to love Jesus. All he wanted to see was people turned on to the Gospel. That’s all. It didn’t matter that they were in his church or not.

And he told stories about his life – how his siblings were brilliant and he was the “dunce” among his siblings. And that God found  a way to use someone who’s terrible at public speaking, not exceptionally bright and with not a whole lot to give. He’s one of these guys… these guys that I so admire… that say stuff like this… “I don’t know how God did it… but he did.” Sorta like the blind man in the Gospels, “I don’t know what happened. All I know is that I was blind, but now I see.”

The man loves Jesus… why? Because he knows he can’t do anything for Jesus and yet he still loves him! And he can’t help but to love him back! He just loves Jesus. I love that… and it’s so encouraging. I can imagine that he’s not super popular among Chinese pastors. Because he’s not the savviest, nor the most charismatic and he definitely doesn’t have the biggest church. But the man loves Jesus. And that seems like it should count the most. It seems. Thanks Edmond for redeeming my historical relationship with Chinese pastors.

I think one of the purest joys for me in doing what I do is “passing the rock” and watching others “score”. I’m sure that analogy can be taken in infinite ways. My only other dream profession is being in the NBA and I’d love to play the point. In the mold of the traditionalists – John Stockton, Steve Nash, Magic Johnson… setting up his guys to score.

I was discussing Good Friday with Warren and Serg and had told them before that this time they were going to lead more and I was going to lead less. And as we were discussing, getting excited about what we were going to do, Serg asked me what part I wanted to lead. And Warren said… we don’t need him, we can do it! And I was really proud of my guys. They saw the joy of helping people see Jesus and they stepped up to the challenge. They weren’t afraid… of messing it up or doing something wrong.

I’m so tired of people who are paralyzed by a fear of failure. Don’t get me wrong… I’m afraid of failing too. I’m like everyone else… I don’t like falling on my face. But by and large there is so much fear. Fear of making a mistake, being looked down upon, losing what you have, finding out the truth. It’s slavery. It enslaves regardless of age, ethnic or socio-economic background. When I’m being judgmental… I think it’s pathetic. When I’m more humble about it [and realize it in myself too], it really makes me sad.

So I’m excited to see guys who say that fear is not an option. And to see it in a few of my guys… that they were willing to not be owned by fear for the sake of the Gospel. That makes me really proud. And the truth is that I see very few who make that deal, step up to that challenge… and not be owned… by fear.

“After a time of decay comes the turning point. The powerful light that has been banished returns. There is movement, but it is not brought about by force… the movement is natural, arising spontaneously. The old is discarded and the new is introduced. Both measures accord with the time; therefore no harm results”
~ Ancient Chinese Saying

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I can’t describe how I’m feeling this morning… but it’s that everything is way above my head these days. I never feel like I’m in control anymore. It sounds pretty distressing, but it’s rather liberating. As I read through John with the boys, all I see are verses that talk about how the Holy Spirit just does his thing and you can’t ever predict it. You find Jesus saying one thing [purposefully?] and then doing another. That sounds contradictory… to me it just sounds like you can’t peg him. He’s doing his thing whether you like it or not. He talks about how sickness will lead to glory… but how? I don’t know. He does crazy miracles and no one really knows what to make of it. There’s no explanation.

It just sounds like people are confused – like the human tornado just hit. Yes, that’s a Dolemite reference. Don’t look it up. And at the end, he still demands for it all. And reiterates again and again, that he does it. We don’t do it, he does it.

I wonder sometimes what God is trying to make of me – meaning, I’m a work in progress; but what’s the final product? What will I be like when I’m 40? Or 50? Or 80? What will I be like? And the little things I’m learning each moment is this simple thing that it’s all Jesus. It’s always been Jesus. Jesus does it. He did it in the beginning, why would it change now? The heart of the Gospel is that Jesus came to be with us. We didn’t go to him. He sacrificed his life. We sacrificed nothing. He embraced us. We didn’t embrace him. And when it’s so stark like that… there’s only one response. But to love him more each day.

I want to be one of those guys in their 80’s who reflect on their life and they’ve nothing much to say but, “I just don’t know… but one thing I do know… I was blind, but now I see.” I want to be one of those guys that just says… all I know is that Jesus loves me and it still messes me up. I don’t care to be this expert practitioner. I don’t really need public acclaim [it's not to say I don't have those fleshly dreams]… I just want to be that guy who says that Jesus loves him and he just loves him back.

I sense that God is working out the kinks to be able to arrive at that very destination.