EL’s Dribble

I was at my first of four weddings that I’ll be officiating this past weekend. It was in Tahoe and ahhh… I forgot how beautiful Lake Tahoe really is. I got to meet a lot of Gail and Hubert’s family and got to know hear some good stories.

I was talking with one of Gail’s cousins – a really interesting guy who works for a school-photography company [taking those semi-cheese stock school photos - the one we all had when we were in elementary school]. On first appearance he looked like one of those “I’m-passionate-about-art-and-design-but-I’m-always-misunderstood-so-I’ll-keep-a-harder-exterior-and-a-safe-distance-from-you” – I guess I judge people just like everyone else.

But it was easy to strike up a conversation and connection with him – of which couldn’t be said about most people these days. We talked about random things, including careers, photography, family, etc. And then I noticed that he had a tattoo on his wrist – so I asked him what that tattoo was. It looked like a bracelet tattooed around his wrist with the following word inscribed on the inside of the wrist:

It is pronounced “ASHER” which means “BLESSED” in Hebrew… I didn’t want to flex my amazing Hebrew on him [of which there wasn't much anyways]… frankly all I could do was pronouce it. Weak.

He shared that as he was growing up he was really hard on himself. He would hear people’s criticism and he’d take it really hard and be in depressive funks for weeks on end. A few years ago he went to the Philippines to visit family and came across a group of people who had far less than he had and yet weren’t suffering the same type of emotional funks. They were blessed… and it reminded him that he was blessed as well. And as he began to remember that God had indeed blessed him [I assume with the life, the skills, the job he has, etc.]… the depressive funks began to go away. He said he suffers very few of those funks these days.

He finished off his explanation with this – that at the end of the day [his words not mine, haha], God’s opinion of him was the only one that mattered. It was so encouraging… to hear someone understand in it’s simplest form, the essential message of Jesus. I don’t think he went to church or was particularly “religious” – whatever that means. But he understood… and because of this, he had a very genuine “sunny-disposition”… it wasn’t fake like many of us “professional” Christians. He was very thoughtful and you can tell he’s a thinker – but he didn’t look weighed down and had no problem sharing his story with some punk like me.

He knew he was blessed – but after our convo, I was the one who’s blessed.

I’m re-reading The Wounded Healer by Henri Nouwen and I’m reminded again why he’s my favorite author, next to Jose Canseco. He communicates the complex nuances of leadership and pastoral sensitivity in such simple and profound ways. I remember first reading it – I didn’t get it. But I think I get it now… or at least better. A quote to ponder:

“The great illusion of leadership is to think that man can be led out of the desert by someone who has never been there. Our lives are filled with examples which tell us that leadership asks for understanding and that understanding requires sharing. So long as we define leadership in terms of preventing or establishing precedents, or in terms of being responsible for some kind of abstract ‘general good,’ we have forgotten that no God can save us except a suffering God, and that no man can lead his people except the man who is crushed by his sins.” [pg. 72]

Photographer: jmoorecoll.wordpress.com

It’s best to read the previous post before reading this one… it’s like watching Speed 2 without the original Speed and the magnificent Keanu setting the jaw-dropping action trajectory. Yeah.

When I think of when I’ve really experienced God’s love, it’s often been very simple revelations. It’s noticing what has always been there in the first place, but I was too caught up with myself to see it. And the surrender point comes when I’ve come to my end… where I can no longer figure it out, all resources are spent and I’ve done all I know how to get what I want. In great proclamation or in a mental whisper… I mutter, “I give up.”

Like when you’re looking for your keys. And you do everything… backtrack, look through all your pants, look underneath every cushion and then you’re beat. You’ve looked everywhere and got no where else to look. So you sit down, defeated. And you look up and they’re right next to the door where you last left them.

One example…

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Photo courtesy of Z is for Zoe

So I spoke at a retreat a few months ago and shared on simple ways to love the people around us. I had shared how I brought a pie over to a neighbor and endured a long 4 seconds of silence. The kind where you look at each other and wonder whether someone had pressed pause so as to enjoy the awkward moment just a little bit longer. The awkwardness stemming maybe from the fact that rarely do people really do anything for anybody with no strings attached. But we ended up developing a friendship and it’s good to connect with more of my neighbors.

Well this one guy came up to me during the retreat and shared that he felt like God was telling him to buy a pizza for his neighbor. He said he never talks to his neighbors and they were the kind of people his momma wouldn’t even want him to be around – chain smoking, fully tattoo’d up, the look of trouble.

I saw him tonite at Warren’s show [Phonofield] and he told me that he followed through on what God was telling him to do. But instead of the pizza, he brought over a box of Marlboro’s. Unopened, still shrink wrapped. He wanted it to be as “natural” as possible. So he bought himself some smokes, mosied on over… started talking, pushed his tongue a little harder… and said something like, “I had an extra box of cigarettes… thought I’d give ‘em to ya.”

The neighbor looked at him a little funny but took them and said, “I normally smoke Marlboro lights.” My friend felt a little bad that he got the wrong ones, but nevertheless was glad that he followed through. A few days later he came out of his house ready to get into his car and he noticed that his car was wet. He looked around, saw his neighbor across the street. They came up to him and said, “We had extra soap and water from washing our cars so we washed your car too.” And now each morning his neighbor gives him a little peace sign as he drives off.

Before this whole thing he had no excuse, no natural connection… and every reason to stay across the street, mind his own business, hold on to the bit of fear that keeps 97% of us from crossing the street, taking risks, building bridges. I’ve been reminded often that we don’t always need to get it right… we need to get over ourselves and have a willingness to step out, and just follow Jesus simply.

I have a friend who asked me about developing small groups. And she said that there’s this tension with developing community and reaching out. Meaning you want to keep the same group so that you can develop trust and then nurture transparency. And we all know that transparency is where the action happens.

But if you reach out and invite new people you take a few steps back on the trust index. And then we’re no closer to transparency nirvana. So she asked me what we do about that.

To be honest I haven’t thought about that for a while. We’re always telling our people to integrate their faith with their life and to then integrate their life with the lives of others. So that there are very few seams in the fabric of our lives. Jesus is spilling over everything.

And it made me think that even the paradigm of community building vs. mission is contrary to the Gospel. If the Gospel is God initiating love for his people… meaning he loved when he knew we didn’t love him back… and we’re to model that love for others, transparency should come before trust. Not trust before transparency. The Gospel always turns stuff upside down.

The world operates on that paradigm. You don’t give anyone your money, time or heart without first determining whether they are trustworthy. They’ve got to earn it. And when they do, then you can leak out a bit of yourself while still maintaining some safeguards. Earning always comes first.

So going back to the small group thing – what if we followed the paradigm of the Gospel and were transparent regardless of trust. I think it would accomplish 2 things:

1. It would reinforce that we believe the Gospel… the Gospel that says that our worth is completely based on what Jesus has done for us and never on what we’ve done. If we believe that Jesus determines our worth, we don’t need to be enslaved by what others say. We’re wholly accepted and loved by God. Isn’t the reason why we’re not tranparent is that we’re afraid of rejection? It becomes a faith exercise and a way of deepening the Gospel within us [isn't that Philippians 2:12?].
2. New people will automatically feel embraced… they’d be pleasantly surprised that people would be willing to share their life without even knowing them. The first time I went to this one group, I heard everyone’s junk… they shared openly and vulnerably, acknowledging their need for God. I automatically felt like I was one of them – they didn’t need to welcome me.

When we live out the Gospel paradigm, community is built and we’re on mission… automatically, without needing to reconcile the two. And I realize that it’s the Gospel’s business to reconcile things that just don’t make any sense, that seem in opposition. Whether it’s people, social systems or ministry methods.

I’m finding that I need to be very aware of whether our medium is also communicating the Gospel. I realize that having such a segmented paradigm contradicts the message of the Gospel. IE. having a small group for community and a small group for evangelism. Don’t get me wrong… I don’t think I’m trying to be militant about the integration of everything into one homogenous medium. That’s not right either. I can’t imagine our toddlers and soccer players meshing well [though I'm sure there might be a way that could work]. But I’m finding that I need to ask whether the medium… the means by which we are communicating the Gospel… contradicts the message. If so, we’re in big trouble.

I’ve recently had someone in our group ask about the Lakeland Revivals. Apparently they know friends who are traveling out to Florida in hopes of receiving an experience of the Holy Spirit. It was a good question at the right time for me. I’ve been praying for revival in San Jose since we’ve started and have recently met a guy who is leading the House of Prayer in SJ. And though God has moved in great ways, we have yet to see a “movement” – something only God could explain. A movement of repentance and revival among the people here breaking out with a fresh love for God and a transforming and revolution love for the world around us. Bits… but no breakout.

And so my friend’s question pushed me think about it again. What it means here in SJ and even more importantly what it means for me and us as individuals. I’ve had to ask again whether my own heart was dry and needed a reinvigoration of the Holy Spirit. I had to take another hard look at myself… and realize that my own heart was needing a fresh encounter of Jesus and this Gospel.

And I’m reminded again that revival [bringing life to where there is none] needs to happen in me first. This overflowing of life that Jesus brings needs to happen [and continue] in me… before it’s to spread to anyone else around me. And it quickly leads to a realization that I can’t do much to bring revival in myself and that it’s completely a work of Jesus that jolts me back into reality. The reality that I’m no better, that I’m just as prone to put up fronts, that I’m just as insecure as the next guy… and thus just as much in need of Jesus as the next guy too.

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I think one of the purest joys for me in doing what I do is “passing the rock” and watching others “score”. I’m sure that analogy can be taken in infinite ways. My only other dream profession is being in the NBA and I’d love to play the point. In the mold of the traditionalists – John Stockton, Steve Nash, Magic Johnson… setting up his guys to score.

I was discussing Good Friday with Warren and Serg and had told them before that this time they were going to lead more and I was going to lead less. And as we were discussing, getting excited about what we were going to do, Serg asked me what part I wanted to lead. And Warren said… we don’t need him, we can do it! And I was really proud of my guys. They saw the joy of helping people see Jesus and they stepped up to the challenge. They weren’t afraid… of messing it up or doing something wrong.

I’m so tired of people who are paralyzed by a fear of failure. Don’t get me wrong… I’m afraid of failing too. I’m like everyone else… I don’t like falling on my face. But by and large there is so much fear. Fear of making a mistake, being looked down upon, losing what you have, finding out the truth. It’s slavery. It enslaves regardless of age, ethnic or socio-economic background. When I’m being judgmental… I think it’s pathetic. When I’m more humble about it [and realize it in myself too], it really makes me sad.

So I’m excited to see guys who say that fear is not an option. And to see it in a few of my guys… that they were willing to not be owned by fear for the sake of the Gospel. That makes me really proud. And the truth is that I see very few who make that deal, step up to that challenge… and not be owned… by fear.

I can’t describe how I’m feeling this morning… but it’s that everything is way above my head these days. I never feel like I’m in control anymore. It sounds pretty distressing, but it’s rather liberating. As I read through John with the boys, all I see are verses that talk about how the Holy Spirit just does his thing and you can’t ever predict it. You find Jesus saying one thing [purposefully?] and then doing another. That sounds contradictory… to me it just sounds like you can’t peg him. He’s doing his thing whether you like it or not. He talks about how sickness will lead to glory… but how? I don’t know. He does crazy miracles and no one really knows what to make of it. There’s no explanation.

It just sounds like people are confused – like the human tornado just hit. Yes, that’s a Dolemite reference. Don’t look it up. And at the end, he still demands for it all. And reiterates again and again, that he does it. We don’t do it, he does it.

I wonder sometimes what God is trying to make of me – meaning, I’m a work in progress; but what’s the final product? What will I be like when I’m 40? Or 50? Or 80? What will I be like? And the little things I’m learning each moment is this simple thing that it’s all Jesus. It’s always been Jesus. Jesus does it. He did it in the beginning, why would it change now? The heart of the Gospel is that Jesus came to be with us. We didn’t go to him. He sacrificed his life. We sacrificed nothing. He embraced us. We didn’t embrace him. And when it’s so stark like that… there’s only one response. But to love him more each day.

I want to be one of those guys in their 80’s who reflect on their life and they’ve nothing much to say but, “I just don’t know… but one thing I do know… I was blind, but now I see.” I want to be one of those guys that just says… all I know is that Jesus loves me and it still messes me up. I don’t care to be this expert practitioner. I don’t really need public acclaim [it's not to say I don't have those fleshly dreams]… I just want to be that guy who says that Jesus loves him and he just loves him back.

I sense that God is working out the kinks to be able to arrive at that very destination.