personal revival – honest questions – lakeland revival

I’ve recently had someone in our group ask about the Lakeland Revivals. Apparently they know friends who are traveling out to Florida in hopes of receiving an experience of the Holy Spirit. It was a good question at the right time for me. I’ve been praying for revival in San Jose since we’ve started and have recently met a guy who is leading the House of Prayer in SJ. And though God has moved in great ways, we have yet to see a “movement” – something only God could explain. A movement of repentance and revival among the people here breaking out with a fresh love for God and a transforming and revolution love for the world around us. Bits… but no breakout.

And so my friend’s question pushed me think about it again. What it means here in SJ and even more importantly what it means for me and us as individuals. I’ve had to ask again whether my own heart was dry and needed a reinvigoration of the Holy Spirit. I had to take another hard look at myself… and realize that my own heart was needing a fresh encounter of Jesus and this Gospel.

And I’m reminded again that revival [bringing life to where there is none] needs to happen in me first. This overflowing of life that Jesus brings needs to happen [and continue] in me… before it’s to spread to anyone else around me. And it quickly leads to a realization that I can’t do much to bring revival in myself and that it’s completely a work of Jesus that jolts me back into reality. The reality that I’m no better, that I’m just as prone to put up fronts, that I’m just as insecure as the next guy… and thus just as much in need of Jesus as the next guy too.

mentors

I’ve often felt lonely in this church planting thing. Not only because we started from scratch having not been planted from another church. But also because we went down a road less traveled. Or within our denominational family, the road never traveled.

I’ve had to learn how to filter through advice given to me. To appreciate the loving heart behind the words and to understand that much of it doesn’t apply to us. I’ve had mentors that have not understood at all what we were trying to do and yet because of my natural [possibly cultural] deference to those older/wiser, I’ve taken input… and at times to my demise.

I’m slowly figuring it out – though not without tons of mistakes. Figuring out that my ear needs to be finely tuned to the voice of God. There’re a few times where his voice has been so clear as if we were sitting together in the quiet of my living room. And other times where I’m not sure if he even wants to show up for our date. Most of the time, it’s somewhere in between. I think that’s been the most critical lesson learned. Listening to Jesus over man… even when man has planted 15 churches and has the title of Big Dog, PHD.

But God’s brought along a mentor in this new season – a man that I only connect with a few times a year. But each time he speaks prophetically to the heart and is sacrificially willing to pour his life into mine. Frankly he doesn’t know me that well, but he feels the Spirit-leading to do so. It’s the right season for this new mentor to come along. Thanks so much Mike.

I remember when we first started planting – the only thing that I remember God saying to me after he said “GO” was… “I’ll be with you.” He’s kept that promise. I’ve never been without older men who were wiser [OB, Joel, Bill, Duane] – though some for a shorter season – and willing to pour into me. And the times where the wisdom of older men wasn’t able to sooth the wound… it was God voice that I needed to hear. And it was his reminder to me that it really should be his voice that I needed to be attune to above all others.

You’ve never left Jesus… you kept your promise. Thanks…

mother’s day

It’s another Mother’s Day and I miss my mom. I still long to sit next to her and hear her voice. I still remember her sweet verbal elongations in my head and how reassuring her presence was in my life.

I ordered mom some flowers this year [for Dad to take to the gravesite]. I haven’t done that the past two years. But felt like I wanted to this time. I think in previous years, I’d just kinda ignore it. And then when the day comes, the flood of emotions would return. As if almost completely unprepared for it.

But I guess I’m grieving a little bit more this week… thinking about her throughout the week. Taking a long time to pick out the flowers online, wondering… “What would mom like?” I wish I had done that more when she was alive. Always the regret of the living.

People who’ve had parents/loved ones die say that you never get used to it. Yes, the pain isn’t as sharp… but do you get used to it? No. It’s true… I’m not used to it still. The hole is still there and will always be there.

As we go continue this process of trying to have children… I do look forward to the day when I’ll be able to hold my child, look into his/her eyes and give a little kiss for grandma. To know how much grandma would have loved this moment. How much grandma would have been so proud of her grandchild. How grandma is looking forward to the day when she’ll get to hold her beloved for real… sometime in the future. Hopefully not too soon… but she’ll be waiting and it’ll be an embrace like they’ll never experience. It’ll be like the ones I use to get while I was growing up.

Happy Mother’s Day Mom…